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Dating.CharacterTesting.comGet "back-to-the-basics" with your Marriage, Dating, Family, Friends, and/or Employment Relationships.Solving Conflicts LLC Presents: |
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Pure Gold: "Engaging, wise, and chock full of ideas ~ Paul Coleman, Psy. D., author of "How to Say It for Couples: Communicating with Tenderness, Openness, and Honesty" |
Can We Dance? “After reading this book, I have a new-found appreciation for the importance of really exploring myself to know what character qualities I need my mate to possess.” “I love the combination of information, reflection, and interaction with the arts. This approach is present, reflective and emotionally, spiritually provocative.” “Can We Dance? helped me to examine my beliefs, clarify my motivations, and analyze every step from friendship to a serious relationship. It is full of great tools that are both fun and immediately useful.” |
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Conversely, if the wife treats the husband in a way that causes him to feel like a loser, then in reality, the husband and the wife are both losers. One cannot win while the other loses. Both must win in order for either to win. If sexuality is the only thing in common you share holding the marriage together, a rope of sand is holding you together. In order to have a marriage built upon a solid foundation, you must grow together toward a mutual purpose. Once a married couple establishes a common purpose in their lives, then as they grow toward their shared purpose, they will also be growing closer toward each other. Choosing to work together to achieve a noble and honorable character is the type of purpose that can help a marriage last forever. A marriage based upon genuine character qualities is a marriage that will endure trials, hardships, and adversity. A marriage based upon genuine character qualities is a marriage of teamwork and friendship. It is not about luck or good fortune. Character qualities have nothing to do with luck or good fortune. No one is born with a noble character. Yet each of us can have one so long as we choose it one good choice at a time. When it comes to our own character, we are the ones that are responsible for it. Our spouse is not responsible for our character. Our parents are not responsible for our character. We alone make the choices that form our character. We alone are the ones that can make better choices next time to improve our character. When a husband and wife come together as teammates; when they hold hands together as friends in support of each other's success and happiness; when they are honest as individuals about how the choices they make affect their own character and each other; and when they start making better choices based upon genuine character qualities, then they will be able to overcome the obstacles that beset them. Misunderstanding in relationships lead to differences. When the differences get large enough, we often come to believe that they are irreconcilable differences. It is true that every choice we make is grounded in character qualities. Even if you do not know which qualities you have been using, your choices still have been grounded in character qualities. When we cannot even identify what quality we are using as a basis for the choices we make, how could it be possible to understand why we make the choices that we make? When we cannot identify what qualities our spouse is using as a basis for their choices, how can we possibly be accurate in the feedback or advice that we may desire to give them? How can we possibly be helpful to them when we have not so much as learned which character qualities are their character qualities? This lack of knowledge about character qualities is often the foremost cause of character attacks, miscommunication, and the so-called irreconcilable differences in marriage. Each of us has an inner desire to be known accurately and understood accurately for who we truly are as a person. When that does not happen, we even call it a misunderstanding. Therefore, since character is the basis for our choices, learning to speak in the language of character is essential. Without it, we are left trying to communicate with each other in a language that is foreign to us both. Then we feel misunderstood. Eventually, harm, injury, or insult is the result. The truth is that no differences are irreconcilable for two willing-hearts whose passion is to remain successfully in a committed relationship. When both people make adjustments in their character to use genuine qualities and work together in a supportive manner, no problems are insurmountable or beyond the reach of a solution. For many couples, it may take some time to learn how to work together as a unified team. It may take some time to learn how to be a rock-solid source of encouragement to each other on both the good days and the bad days. |